Monday, April 29, 2013

When a Cowboy Juice Cleanses

This weekend was full of juice.

Yep, John Wayne and I’s inner-hippie came out and we did a 3-day 2-day juice cleanse.

We did Dr. Oz’s because when I was researching cleanses, this handy dandy infographic {now there’s a word I haven’t used since my desktop publishing days of high school} spelled out everything, from the shopping list to the recipes, very clearly.

I decided that I was going to do this awhile back and blocked out my first open weekend on the calendar and marked it as dedicated to the juice cleanse.  Much to my surprise, John Wayne said he’d join me.  We were all set to eat drink nothing but juice for 72 hours.  That is a long time, especially to carnivores like us, who are just used to going the 10 hours or so at most between our beef dinner and bacon breakfast.

But we were ready.  Luckily, the calendar had remained clear and we weren’t faced with any disruptions to the 72 hour cleanse.  Well until the phone rang last Tuesday night and one of the neighbors invited us over Saturday afternoon to BBQ and shoot trap.  John Wayne certainly wasn’t going to turn this down and even more certainly, he wasn’t going to go and turn down a hamburger and admit that HE was participating in a juice cleanse.  And well, I didn’t really even want to admit it either, so we decided we’d go.  And eat beef.  In the middle of our cleanse.

Saturday morning came.  We were well prepared {sarcasm font} to do this cleanse thing –  the new juicer still set brand new in the box on the counter where it had for the three weeks since the UPS man delivered it.  {This is how excited we were about this new appliance, there was no getting it out, washing it, reading the instructions, beforehand…}  So we figured it out and went to juicing.  The breakfast juice wasn’t bad at all.  At this point, the excitement of a “clean me” is high and I’m euphoric about how awesome I am doing this whole juice cleanse.  {And not to mention, I know that this afternoon, I’m going to cheat and eat a hamburger.}

Well…John Wayne ran into calving problems and so there was no BBQ at the neighbors. 
No hamburger.

While John Wayne was out riding 12 miles, looking for a lost calf, I went ahead and made my lunch drink.  It’s the green one – kale, cucumbers, celery, etc. – I’m not even going to lie and tell you that it wasn’t that bad.  It was disgusting and I literally fought a gag reflex the whole time I was choking it down.

My euphoria is gone. 
I’m ready to quit. 
Yes, after just two drinks.

When John Wayne finally calls to tell me he’s headed home, I ask him if he wants a steak or hamburger for dinner.  {I figure after a long day in the saddle, he’s going to be all for quitting too}.  NO, he tells me, we’re having juice.  Whaaattt?  Honey are you ok, do you have heatstroke or something.

The truth eventually comes out and the reason we are forced to continue the cleanse is all about the money.  All of these ingredients were not cheap and let’s not forget about that new juicer too.

John Wayne juiced and I drank mine.
And complained.
And begged for a cheeseburger.
{The dinner drink wasn’t as good as the breakfast one, but it wasn’t bad at all}.

So, in the middle of the night while the juicing nazi was sleeping, I ate crackers.  {Not bad considering all of the things I could have eaten.}

Sunday morning, I said I’ll fix French toast and we’ll top it with all of the berries, so they won’t go to waste.  John Wayne wins again.  He continued to keep us on track, with the compromise that he’d let us break it a day early. 

We celebrated with a cheeseburger last night.

We are the worst juicers on earth.  You are supposed to prepare your body for the cleanse a few days leading up to it, things like weaning from caffeine and such.  I drank an extra cup of coffee on Friday morning in hopes that it would last me a little longer.  You’re supposed to drink a bunch of water while you juice...somewhere between chasing a busy toddler and holding a fussy 6-month-old, I forgot to drink all that water.  You’re supposed to take a pro-biotic…too cheap to add that to my grocery cart.  When you do break the cleanse, you're supposed to eat salmon and salad...not a cheeseburger.

So, I’m not really the girl to ask how a 3-day juice cleanse works for you.  I can tell you how a modified 2-day cleanse, with no preparation, ending with a cheeseburger, works for you.  My main reason behind doing this cleanse was I had read that it can help cleanse your palate and reduce cravings.  My sugar craving had gotten out of control, so we’ll see.  I haven’t raided any cabinets looking for cookies…yet.  I lost two pounds, no big deal; I could have done that by drinking tons of water.  I will tell you that I did not ever feel hungry during  the cleanse, my tummy was never growling for food.  Mentally, I was just craving meat.  With all of that being said, I will try it again.  I’m going to try to modify or find a new recipe for the lunch “green” juice, I just can’t even choke it down.  But this is not something that I’m marking off my list forever.

So there you have it, what happens when a cowboys {wife} juice cleanses.


Jennifer said...

First, kudos for you trying to do this and for getting John Wayne to do it with you. Second, this post had me laughing out loud in my office! I would have a mental block with it before I even got to the grocery store to buy the stuff!!!

Brenda Hammer said...

Now you know why I very politely, but very quickly said "NO"! when you asked me if I wanted to do it with you.....

Amanda @ The Barstows: Our Little House on the {West Texas} Prairie said...

There is a reason the commercial says Beef. It's what's for dinner. And not Juice. It's what's for dinner. ;) But really, good job! That's awesome your husband kept with it, I always find that Wyatt is my make or break motivational guy when it comes to stuff like that.

Ellen said...

Yuck! (the green stuff, not the cheeseburger)

mer@lifeat7000feet said...

I'll take a side of beef and pass on the veggies. You are BRAVE to even consider doing this. Congrats on making it as far as you did. I would have caved after one sip of the green drink.

Melodee said...

haha, too funny! at least you tried, huh?

Rachel said...

Way to go!

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